“90 days huh?” That’s what I said when I heard of it.
I always jump into things before i understand them. So here i am, jumped in on the moving train. My friends are doing this and they made me believe I needed to, because of the misfortunes we have faced concerning love. Someone even thinks I may end up believing in love, LOL! As if that might actually happen. But what do I think? I don’t know what to think but I know I have to do it. For some, its a healing process, due to heartbreaks and all. For others, it’s a learning phase and we all embrace the reasons why we are doing this.
Of course I do need it. Definitely not for the obvious reasons, but yeah, I’m doing this. As people get into relationships so that they “get to know each other” this is an exercise to get myself into knowing me. Learning about what has changed me, what has changed in me and what has changed about me. For some who have been wondering why I have the highest walls around my heart, that’s your chance to learn why. I’ve been challenged to grow up now. To see the real me as it happens. To know what I am offering if I am to date anyone else, again. Like serious date. Not the usual behind the walls dating I have now been doing.
By dating myself I’m doing it to learn myself. Looking at myself in another way, as I would look at someone else. I’m just trying to see why the Exes and Ohs, almost all of them think its necessary to change some things about me. Why they believe I need to change who I am. I just want to try and pick those bad things about me and perhaps turn them around if that’s possible. Maybe that would help me be a good person, well better than the good I already am. No guarantees but, I promise to work on them.
As much as I know myself, I know dating me is not a such a complicated act. Its a matter of appreciating who and what I am, something a few candidates have failed to do, or so I think.
We’ve met a few in this walk of life who have made us believe adult-ing is not such a good thing in the dating avenues. It is what they did to us right. Some of which is what they did to us, with us. That is because maybe we let them, we let it all happen, in the name of love (eyes roll). Because our hearts were broken in so many ways at a certain point.
Along the line, I have discovered that somehow we attract the same type of people, no mater how different they are, there is always that characteristic trait left behind. They are the same on one way or the other. Why is that, is just another talk for another day. And they all leave through the same door, heart break (sigh). I intend to see why that is so within these 90 days.
For me, they all have that unsolvable ‘X’. This X comes in many forms…a lost lover, friend, lost relative etc.. They could be failing to move on from their “unsolvable X” or its the other way round. No one wants that type of relationship but its there. The equation becomes too complicated, unsolvably-unattractive and exhausting. Everyday will be a road to destruction. Dealing with that’s is another reason to #DateMyselfFor90Days
‘No dates except with self’ is the main rule. I know I won’t stick to the No Dates with others rule. Yikes! Or should I say i will double date 😂. I will compensate that by making no commitments though. Commitments tend to become too complicated, taxing and sometimes, all the time one sided. (Lol) funny enough, I’m now no longer a commitment person, thanks to all the Unsolvable X’s. Dates have a lot of entertaining stuff to hold on to.
Here’s to the 90 days of being me with me! 🍷. I would say raise your glass, but who knows? Maybe you’re holding a mug, or a plate. I would promise you some stuff that would definitely need a few glasses to a bottle of wine, a whole pot of coffee but that’s not guaranteed. But in a way, you may get thirsty along the way. By this time, I have officially completed my first six days of the #selfbae challenge (and I still wince at calling it a challenge. Trying to find a better way to call it).